


Falling Off Buildings and Other Hobbies

by The Little MerBucky (blue_pointer)



Series: Lightning in a Bottle [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky needs help, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sam to the Rescue, Suicide Attempt, Therapist Sam Wilson, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony-centric, awkward first kisses, deep talks, fun with droids, getting to know you getting to know all about you, military crawling, no Thor crack this time, sad bucky, sleeping guard trope, that is the wrong reaction Tony, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/The%20Little%20MerBucky
Summary: Tony has stolen the sleeping Bucky from Wakanda, and now he's awake, back at the Avengers complex. But Tony can't talk to him, because Sam grounded him.Tony finds ways to amuse himself until he just can't stand it anymore (read: 1 hour). He sneaks into Bucky's room to have a Talk. Bad and surprising things ensue.





	Falling Off Buildings and Other Hobbies

**Author's Note:**

> This got serious.

Tony wasn’t invited to dinner that night. Sam deemed his slip-up in the lab too much; apparently he was grounded for the whole rest of the day. Which sucked. It was his house. How was he getting grounded?  

Bored and lonely, he went to bug Bruce in his lab. But he was locked out. Sure, Tony could have hacked the lock. But he didn’t want to get grounded by Brucie, too. 

So he kept himself busy running tests on the new arm, with the help of Dum-E and U. Of course, they managed to break it, and then Tony had to put it back together again. “Not immune to dunces,” Tony muttered. “Good to know.”

 

*

 

Finally, he’d had enough of being a good boy. It was late. People were sleeping. The perfect time for Tony to take back control of his own house.

So he snuck into Bucky’s room like a teenage boy. It wasn’t fair everyone had gotten to talk with him except Tony. By the time he crept in, Thor was sound asleep in his chair by the door, keeping watch. Some guard. 

It was a bit ridiculous sneaking across the floor like this. Who was he thinking he was fooling? But something about Thor waking up and catching him was unspeakably terrifying to Tony. Finally, he reached the bed and peeped up. Barnes was lying there, completely awake. At least, his eyes were open. He looked somewhat comatose apart from that. “Oh,” Tony said, brilliantly. 

Bucky’s lips twitched, and a faint anxiety lit his eyes. “Are you here for revenge?” he asked in that soft, rough voice. 

“What? No!” Tony whispered. “I just wanted to talk to you since I got kicked out of the clubhouse earlier.”

“Talk?” The way he said it, it sounded like a foreign verb to him. 

“Yeah, speak, discuss. You know, since we didn’t exactly get a lot of chatting in last time we saw each other.” His face fell, and Tony could see him about to retreat behind long hair again. “Hey. Hey. This isn’t angry-talking. I’m not here to tear you a new one.”

“Then why are you here?” It was a fair question. Why did his eyes look...dead? 

“Come on.” Tony nodded toward the door. “Let’s get some fresh air, try someplace we don’t have to whisper.” He was a little surprised when Barnes followed. He didn’t lack for courage, that was for sure. 

Through the main room, out onto the landing pad. A balcony would have been too intimate. Or something. But the air sure was fresh out here. Across the pristine acres of lawn, the sun was starting to set. Tony walked to the edge and sat, legs crossed underneath him. The height didn’t scare him, but he wasn’t about to dangle his feet in the pool either. Bucky sat more than an arm’s length away, and he went for it, throwing his boots over the edge and letting his feet swing in the void. “I wanted to wake you up,” Tony said, for starters.

“Why?” He sounded both befuddled and resentful. 

“Because you don’t put friends who need help on ice. You help them.”

“I’m not your friend,” Bucky pointed out. 

“You’re not my enemy,” Tony said, with some difficulty. 

“You sure about that?” It sounded as though Bucky hadn’t agreed to a truce himself. 

Tony turned to look at him. “Do you wanna hurt me?” Wasn’t that a Boy George lyric?

“No,” Bucky said, hurriedly looking away, like he was afraid to make eye contact. 

“Good, so we’re on the same page.” Sort of. 

“Why?” What was he, a toddler?

“What you did--” Tony choked on all the unsaid words there. It took him a minute to go on. “That was your body, but it wasn’t your mind. You were a victim, too. I get that.” 

“Not a victim,” Bucky muttered, looking out over the edge of the platform. 

“Look, sugarlump. Nobody wants to admit they’re a victim when they’ve been victimized. But it’s a fact. Plain and simple.”

“I killed all those people,” Bucky said, his voice heavy with emotion. “I killed Howard. I killed your mom. I did that.” 

“No you didn’t,” Tony said. “No more than I did.” Hearing the guilt in his voice, Barnes looked up. “What, you don’t think I blamed myself for their deaths for decades? What if I’d said this? What if I’d gone along with them? What if, what if.”

“That’s just survivor’s guilt,” Bucky said, easily, looking back at the landscape. 

“Oh, so you dabble a little in armchair psychology. Good to know. But I think it’s only fair to tell you I violently oppose psychoanalysis of every kind.” 

“I won’t psychoanalyze you,” Barnes said, solemnly. 

“I’ll do you the same courtesy,” Tony said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna accept that you alone are responsible for the crimes you committed. I’ve hired lawyers, by the way. Expensive ones. They’ll be arguing your case in international court. You’re not a terrorist any more than the 747s that flew into the twin towers.”

“Why are you doing this, Tony?” It was the first time Barnes had used his name. It felt strange. Like a piece of furniture wishing you happy birthday. 

“You mean what do I get out of it?” Bucky nodded. “It’s the right thing to do,” Tony said. Probably for the first time in his life. Even he didn’t buy it. 

“I don’t have anything to give you,” Bucky said. “And honest, I don’t want anything, either.” 

“Yeah, I get that,” Tony cut in. “You’ve pretty much given up on life. That’s obvious.” 

“All I ever do is hurt people,” he said, sounding more like Eeyore than Steve’s best friend from 1944. 

“Well, join the damn club, buttercup,” Tony told him. “We all make mistakes. Does that mean we should just be locked up? Taken out of commission for being flawed human beings?” He turned to Barnes. “I’ve been where you are. No, not for the same reasons, but look. Rock bottom only feels comfortable because you realize--unlike everyone else who hasn’t been there--that you can go lower. But you can also pick yourself up and start to climb out of that hole.” 

“Why?” Bucky asked again. Tony was thinking of writing it on his forehead in sharpie until he promised to stop asking that question. 

“Because surviving is work. It’s not happy. It’s not a damn parade in your honor, it’s painful and it’s messy and yeah, some days it fucking sucks. But giving up is a copout. And it’s a slap in the face to people who care about you.” It wasn’t the exact speech he’d gotten from his sponsor back when, but it was close. “You wanna be worthy of those people...don’t you?” 

Bucky turned away. Tony couldn’t tell at first if he was angry or just done with the sound of Tony’s voice. Then he saw his shoulders tremble. Damn. What was he supposed to do about that? He didn’t have time to ponder, because suddenly Barnes was gone, falling away from the platform at a rate of 33 meters per second per second.

Tony didn’t have time to swear. Didn’t have time to berate himself for not having seen it coming. He just pushed off the platform and summoned the suit as he fell. He grabbed Barnes and zipped away from the ground rushing up to meet them at the last possible second. 

“Okay, that.” Tony set him down near some pampas grass. Lifted the visor back so that he could look at Barnes with his own eyes. “Was a total dick move.”

But instead of begging his forgiveness or arguing back, Barnes turned and shoved him as hard as he could, sending an unexpecting Tony falling back flat on his ass. “Ow! This thing is heavier than it looks, you know.” 

Bucky took off running and Tony flew after him. The supersoldier serum had made him fast, but not as fast as jet boots. Tony tackled him into the grass. “You wanna tell me what the hell is going on, precious? ‘Cause I’m starting to lose my cool a little bit, and I hate looking ruffled.”

“Fight me!” Bucky grunted, pulling his arm out of Tony’s hold and punching him in the side of the head. It wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t make Tony’s ears ring either. That made him think it was only a token gesture, because both he and Steve had hit him much harder in that missile silo.  

“No,” Tony told him, calmly. “Deal with it, hotcakes.” 

“I killed your parents!” Bucky snarled, reaching deep into his bag of tricks to bait Tony. “I strangled your mother to death with my own hand. Crushed her windpipe...slowly.” 

Tony punched him square in the nose, full-gauntlet. It was a moment of weakness, but no one could really blame him, all things considered. Bucky’s head fell back onto the grass, and for a moment, his face was all grief, not anger or defiance. “I didn’t use my metal hand,” he continued. “Because I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t  _ want _ to hurt her.”

Tony sat back, feeling like the weight of grief was literally pushing him into the ground. He watched the silent tears slipping down Barnes’ cheeks, mingling with the blood of the busted nose Tony had given him. And stupidly, he was still one of the most attractive people Tony had ever seen. Maybe moreso flawed and vulnerable like this. He and Cap made a great couple. It’s like they’d been made for each other. Maybe he should just let Bucky go. Return him to his master. 

He sighed, using the helmet to call back inside. “Wilson. A little help?” 

“What’s up, Tony?” 

He could hear from the frog in his throat, he’d woken Sam up. “Looks like we got a 5150 on our hands. Not sure if I should be the one on watch for him.” 

“What happened? Where are you?” He sounded much more alert now. 

“We took a little fall, but we’re okay.” It was weird to just sit on someone’s chest and watch them cry. Maybe if Tony had had a father who’d given him an ounce of affection in his life, he’d know what to do. Or be more willing to do it. 

“You’re outside? Be right there.” 

“ _ Grazie. _ ” He didn’t look down at Bucky when he spoke to him. Leave him the illusion of dignity, at least, Tony thought. “Don’t worry, angel face, birdman’s on his way.” 

“Just let me go,” Bucky croaked. “You hate me, I know it. Just let me go.” 

“You’re wrong.” Tony said. “I don’t hate you. But I sure as hell ain’t gonna make this easy for you.” Did he derive any pleasure from this man’s pain? Maybe. But he was only human. 

Bucky made a grab for one of Tony’s hands, brought the repulsor to his temple. “Do it,” he said, breath stuttering with tears. 

“Fuck you,” Tony grunted. There was something alive in his chest. Warm. Painful. “You don’t tell me what to do, Barnes.” 

And then. He leaned down and kissed him, blood and all. 

Bucky didn’t resist, he just went very still. Maybe it was shock. But he didn’t break away from the contact, and Tony wondered. How long had it been since someone had touched this man with an intention other than violence? 60 years? 70? 

He pulled back, losing the glove to hurriedly wipe Barnes’ bodily fluids off his own face. No, of course that wasn’t true. Steve had probably made sweet love to him under the stars in Germany. Tony looked up at the stars overhead, so bright this far away from the city. 

It didn’t take Sam long to come collect their little carebear. Tony didn’t feel like explaining what had just happened, or what had just happened after that, so he left. Flew back inside. Sam seemed to know he didn’t want to talk, and he had to focus on Bucky anyway. 


End file.
